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Ex-Congressman Eric Massa's tales of tickle fests with staffers and naked shower fights with Rahm Emanuel have turned him into the butt of late-night jokes this week. Here's a roundup of the latest quips:
"Former Democratic congressman Eric Massa resigned on Monday amid allegations that he groped male staff workers. Massa claims he was tickling them and then claimed he was being forced out over his healthcare vote. If you're wondering why we don't have healthcare, it's because there's too much tickling in Congress." -Jimmy Kimmel
"He admits to groping, fondling, and tickling. And I'm thinking, well, why isn't this guy governor of New York?" -David Letterman
"New York congressman Eric Massa has resigned his post this week after allegations that he groped his male staff. If it's not Charlie Rangel trying to get into your wallet, it's Eric Massa trying to get in your pants." -Jay Leno
"Massa was on Glenn Beck and he showed a book of graphic photos of things sailors did for fun when at sea. The book was so graphic, they couldn't show them on the air. Now if you're trying to convince people you're not gay, you probably shouldn't show your big book of naked sailors." -Jay Leno
"Former New York congressman Eric Massa admitted to tickling a staffer until he couldn't breathe. Dick Dick Cheney said, 'We should have tried that at Gitmo.'" -David Letterman
Read more late-night jokes...
David Letterman's Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear From Your Congressman
10. "Oh, suddenly I'm gay because I roll on the floor tickling men?"
9. "Four o'clock - gropin' time"
8. "Whoops, came to work naked again"
7. "Too much mint, not enough julep"
6. "Filibuster? I hardly know her"
Read more...
The Best Eric Massa Jokes originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Thursday, March 11th, 2010 at 23:55:55.
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Hat tip to HuffPost Comedy and Probably Bad News for this funny headline.
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Funny Headline of the Day: 'Republicans Turned Off By Size of Obama's Package' originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 at 20:15:49.
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The news that Sarah Palin is pitching a reality TV show about Alaska is drawing mockery from the late-night comedians and other quipsters.
"There's a story in the entertainment trade papers that Sarah Palin is shopping a reality show with the producer of "Survivor", Mark Burnett. That's why she quit being the governor of Alaska. I find it strange that Sarah Palin would be shopping a reality show considering the fact that she hasn't shown much interest in reality." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Sarah Palin is getting her own reality show. It's called, "So You Think You Can See Russia." -Craig Ferguson
"Sarah Palin has been shopping around her own reality show. Of course, any reality show about Sarah Palin will have to compete with that other reality show about Sarah Palin: the news." -Jimmy Fallon
"When I heard this, Sarah Palin, somebody said Sarah Palin is getting a reality show. I said "Reality show, jeez, what about a reality check?" -David Letterman
"Sarah Palin is shopping a reality show. She quit as governor to follow in the footsteps of Ray J and the Kardashians." -Jimmy Kimmel
Watch the trailer for the Palin reality show, presented by Jimmy Kimmel.
Meanwhile, Twitter users have come up with some amusing suggested titles for the Palin reality show. See the promo graphics for '08 Was Enough, No Things Considered, Northern Overexposure, and Hair and Unbalanced, courtesy of HuffPost Comedy.
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Sarah Palin Reality Show originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 at 03:01:26.
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Are you a New Left Hipster? An Anti-Government Gunslinger? Find out where you shine in the political spectrum with these short political quizzes.
The Liberal Identity Quiz and the Conservative Identity Quiz will gauge everything from your taste in bumper stickers, books, and music to what you would do if you could travel through time or issue your own executive orders.
Share your results, and find out where your friends stand. Is your girlfriend a bigger PETA tree-hugger than you knew? Does your husband secretly caucus for Sarah Palin? These handy quizzes will help you find out.
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Quiz: What Kind of Liberal or Conservative Are You? originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 23:50:02.
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Check out our political cartoon gallery featuring the week's best cartoons.
New this week: cartoons on Sen. Jim Bunning screwing the unemployed, financial reform, the GOP's 2010 campaign strategy, and more.
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Political Cartoons of the Week originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 23:45:56.
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"You know who is on the program tonight? Mitt Romney is here. Mitt Romney is a good-looking Republican from Massachusetts. You know, he's like that new senator from Massachusetts. He's like Scott Brown, but with pants." -David Letterman
"Talking about presidents who smoked. You remember George W. Bush? Remember him? He's saying while he was president he would enjoy the occasional cigar. On a rare occasion, he would have a cigar because he said it helped him think. I want to tell you, occasions don't get more rare than that, ladies and gentlemen." -David Letterman
"People magazine has confirmed that former President Clinton called Tiger Woods to offer his support during the ordeal. For real. They have things in common, I guess." -Jimmy Kimmel
"It's a nice thing to do, a nice gesture between two, you know, kindred spirits. It actually reminds me of the time President Bush called Homer Simpson after Homer stapled his face to a doughnut." -Jimmy Kimmel
Read more...
The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 22:00:34.
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All of Saturday Night Live's former presidents have gathered for a comedic summit in an epic new Web video produced by Funny Or Die.com.
In the video, the ghosts of presidents past urge a dreaming President Obama, played by Fred Armisen, to push for consumer protection and financial reform.
Will Ferrell reprises his President George W. Bush, Darrell Hammond plays President Bill Clinton, Dana Carvey returns as President George H.W. Bush, Dan Aykroyd plays President Jimmy Carter, and Chevy Chase - the pioneer of presidential parody on SNL -- returns as President Gerald Ford. Jim Carrey, who is not an SNL veteran, appears as Ronald Reagan, whom the late Phil Hartman typically impersonated.
The skit pokes fun at each president's idiosyncrasies and stereotypes, with digs at Obama's smoking, Clinton's womanizing, some father-and-son Bush-bashing, Reagan's age, Carter's malaise, and Ford's clumsiness.
The video, directed by Ron Howard, was produced by Funny Or Die in conjunction with Americans for Financial Reform to urge Congress to pass a strong, independent Consumer Financial Protection Agency.
Watch the Funny Or Die's Presidential Reunion, a behind the scenes look at the reunion shoot, plus an extended scene of Dana Carvey's dream sequence.
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SNL Presidents Reunite to Give Obama Advice originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Thursday, March 4th, 2010 at 09:00:32.
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Sarah Palin has been the butt of an endless stream of late-night jokes since she entered the national spotlight, but last night she turned the tables when she performed her own late-night monologue on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno." (Watch video clip)
The show opened with a gag poking fun at Palin's hand notes, in which Leno asked about cue cards for his monologue. "We're going old school tonight," Palin told him, pointing to Leno's introduction scrawled on her hand -- "Good evening and welcome to the Tonight Show."
After bantering with Leno about her grievances with the media and her love of FOX News and the Tea Party, Leno asked Palin about the possibility of abandoning politics to host her own talk show one day.
"I hear once in awhile this comes open," Pain quipped, tapping Leno's desk. Leno told her she'd have to audition for the job by performing her own monologue.
Making what Leno billed as her "comedy debut," Palin joked that she would forgo cue cards because she knew her jokes "like the front of my hand." She then delivered a series of one liners:
"Hello. Thank you, Jay. Thank you. I'm so happy to get to be here. This is a thrill of a lifetime really. And Alaska, being so different from Los Angeles. Here when people have a frozen look on their face, I find out it's Botox.She'll be here until 2012. Please tip your waitress.
"It is so beautiful here, though, so warm and beautiful. Back home, ooh, it was freezing. It was 5 degrees below Congress' approval rating.
"I've been really busy. I picked up a gig in Las Vegas at the Legends show, playing Tina Fey.
"And next I get to headline. I'll be the speaker at the NRA convention. So be there, or else.
"The truth is though I'm glad I'm not vice president. I'm glad because I would not know what to do with all that free time.
"But Jay, thank you so much for inviting me. I saw where it's been a few weeks of unfair, non-stop criticism, people who don't know the real story. And I just say, Jay, welcome to my world."
Read the full transcript and watch the video of Palin's comedy act (beginning at the 3:34 minute mark).
Update: Jon Stewart praises Sarah Palin's stand-up comedy debut, saying, "If you had a day job, you should quit it."
Update 2: Jay Leno's staff apparently added a laugh track to Palin's Tonight Show monologue
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Sarah Palin's New Gig: Late-Night Comedian originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 at 04:51:05.
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Jon Stewart had been leading with 23 percent of the vote, followed by Jay Leno with 19 percent, and David Letterman with 17 percent. The rest of the late-night hosts were all polling in the single digits.
But thanks to a ballot-stuffing campaign by Craig Ferguson's Twitter followers and his Robot Skeleton Army, Ferguson has now surged into the lead.
We admire their loyalty to the zany comedian and their fondness for clicking buttons, but we want to give the other comedians a fair shake.
Who's your favorite late-night host? Cast your vote below and feel free to make your case in the comments section below. You can also post your response here.
Read the latest late-night jokes, as well as the week's best jokes.
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Who's Your Favorite Late-Night Comedian? originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Monday, March 1st, 2010 at 12:00:55.
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Political Cartoons of the Week originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Sunday, February 28th, 2010 at 02:49:39.